Sometimes you need to feel everything.
I find that I have a natural inclination, and I believe this is something I have in common with many of my family members, to push aside the things that bother me or drag me down, and try to remain calm. I will do this even though I am caught up in the most confusing chaotic personal turmoil, and I can tell you it is draining. It is exhausting.
Sometimes I have to let go. I can’t keep journeying through my life brushing things aside, because they will get through to me. Eventually. If you stand on the rocks and refuse to acknowledge the ocean, the waves will soak you just the same.
Of course, it’s not like I can throw open the doors and the windows and let in absolutely every panic and fear and sliver of rage. I can’t just let myself go completely 24/7 and become an emotional wreck. That wouldn’t help anyone. I need to know when not to be calm though. I need to know when I should just release the tension from my shoulders and turn to face the feelings that hide in the corner of my eye.
I don’t think you can ever really forge a meaningful relationship with another person if you aren’t able to let go of the calm sometimes. You need to express and release that raw, blistering emotion. When it’s good as much as when it’s bad.
This year has been a year of great upheaval. It has been chock full of situations that are way out of my comfort zone. But I am proud of how I have dealt with that. I think I’m proudest of the way I have made some steps towards accepting my emotional responses as being valid.